I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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