Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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