That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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