You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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