it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
