saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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