none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
