im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
