also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
