I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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