i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
