Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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