I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
