We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
