This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
