Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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