I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
