I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
