I'm really into asian looking animals
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
