I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
