Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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