Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
