'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
