Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
