Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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