Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
This girl is more easily done than said...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
