Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
