I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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