dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
This house was built for laser tag.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
