The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
