I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
