is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
