dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
