I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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