party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
