okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
