That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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