Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
