I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
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You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
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the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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