I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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