Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
