: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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