Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Bring me that man meat
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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