oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
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Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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