so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
