rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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