my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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