I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
