smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Alive.
So much puke
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
