idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
