I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
