I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
