I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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