I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
