margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
