From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
