the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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