I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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