I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
