i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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