I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
